somehow i felt i am missing her.
not tht i am a bi-sexual, excuse me*
she used to be part of my family, and i wish she is still part of it.
somehow i miss her, miss the days we chat abt my problems and her giving me lots of advice.
i respected her cus i saw abit of her in me and she is definitely someone i looked up to as a big sister since i had none.

she helped me in many ways, my past BGR probs and my studies.
as christmas is dropping by in a week time, it just cut across my mind about how we spent the christmas tgt many years since then.
happen to pass thru a photo which i used to take with her with my another cousin when i was tidyin up my table.
memories just flickered thru my mind.
the BBQs, the chalets and the family dinners.
just miss her as a sister.

the day when she broke a news to me.
i was dumb-founded.
i cant find any reasons and see no faults in tht.
but everything just ended.
i am stubborn and i know it
i want her and i had long regard her as my family.
i never felt so close to any of non-family members other than my boyfrens.
i duno what shud i said now as nth can bring her back
and this christmas wouldn be tht happy for me either.
and this christmas there will be a missing figure at my granny's hse gathering.
i just hate it.
things arent within my control and i know tht cus i am nobody to interupt in this as to them, i m just a small kid who koes nth much.
BUT, i just miss her as a sister.
i duno if she gonna reads this, but i just miss her.
maybe i am being too emotional now, but i cant help to let the tears brimmed at my eyes.
and i dont even koe if HE gonna read this, he must think i am mad blogging this stupid entry which drives any readers no where of wad i am trying to say here.
but i just down. gloomy.
dark clouds gather above me as if it gonna pour soon.

LOVE is fragile.
maybe someone is correct,
even a 10 year relationship will even had an ending.
there will still be a full-stop to it.
fairytales are just lies.
LOVE is just a sin tht fools rush for.
everyone just wanted to be accompany
does a long running relation made the couples grew sick of each other rather than making them more deeply in love?
no one has the answer.
but somehow, based on my experience. it is a 50-50 thing.
when one side decided to get more committed, the other half decided to let go.
this is the modern world, the reality of love.
LOVE is cruel.

does absence makes the heart fonder still exists?

can i say i pity her.?
a long running relation called for a stop,
she felt dejected yet the guy never giv a damn about it.
he is no longer there by his side which he used to for the past near 5 years.
she felt alone. but not many could understand.
i too, might nt really koe how or what could happen.
but since u are too used to HIM by ur side, a sudden disappearance from him simply make u suffer.
does he even koe how to cherish her?
i had no right to say but i just feel sorry for her.
utterly disgrace?

footnote: i duno what m i saying. i mean blogging, just wanting to voice out things which kept in my heart for quite sometime. more to come...i pity her, i miss her. IF u're reading this, i might not koe how u doin now. but at least i koe sumhow how u feel. to me, a 2 year relation is not so easy to let go. nevertheless for a 5 year relationship. HURT is the process.HAPPINESS is the destination.

nites all.
i felt much better now.
and i koe there is less one soul at the dinner next week bahs.
frown*